Blogosophy of this Blog
In this digital, age any brainless wonder can start a blog, broadcast his doozy blather worldwide over the Internet, and maybe five people will read it because most everyone on the Internet is browsing porn and casino sites. This is called the new journalism.
Old journalism consists of the traditional forms of journalism like newspapers. Many futurists predict new journalism will succeed old journalism, meaning blogs will replace newspaper columns.
I am not so certain. A newspaper column comes in a newspaper. It has several advantages over a blog. A newspaper is tangible; a blog is intangible. Tangibility enables one to do things with a newspaper one can’t do with a blog. For example, you can wrap a fish with a newspaper. Try wrapping the flounder you bought from the local fishmonger in a blog sometime. It will end up splattered on the street, and you will curse the force of gravity, the fate of man, and blogs in general.
A newspaper also is recyclable. You finish reading it; you put it in the recycling bin; a truck takes it to the recycling center, and oiula! the newspaper is made into more trees. A blog is not recyclable. Deleted blogs are dumped into cyberspace, collecting in immense blog slags. Digital futurists predict cyberspace must continue to increase at twenty percent per year to keep with the increasing blog slags and fills of deleted spam email.
The most popular use of a newspaper, exceeding even reading it, is to roll it up and smash flies. Can you swat insects with a blog? Impossible, nearly! If you want to kill a fly with your blog, you’d have to pick up your computer and throw it at the fly because your computer is the closest tangible object to a blog. This rarely works. Most of the time you will miss the fly, and it, merrily and gracefully, will flutter away buzzing a har-dee-harrh-harrh-nyah-nyah-nyah, leaving you to pry your computer out of the wall and explain the large hole to your spouse.
When I say spouse, I mean husband because only a male blogger would be stupid enough to try to kill a fly with his blog. A female blogger, who wanted to kill a fly, would log on to Google, do a search with the terms “fly extermination dead dead dead with my blog,” look up the information at the appropriate web sites, then buy something on Ebay like shoes or jewelry.
Despite their tangibilty gap, blogs and newspapers have things in common. Bloggers like journalists need good sources to have success. Mike Royko, the Chicago columnist had Slats Grobnik and Dr. Kookie, for instance. I don’t have any sources for this blog now. I am procuring them, particularly anonymous sources, for only anonymous sources can give you deep inside information. In the tradition of Watergate and Deep Throat, I intend to identify my anonymous sources with porno movie nicknames like Oomph Patootie and Rompin’ Alfonso.
If you would like to become my anonymous source for this blog, email me at anonymous-source at brain-defying.com. If you can’t endure the publicity of being an anonymous source, I will make you my pseudonymous source.
I can’t promise you payment whether you are an anonymous or a psuedoanonymous source on account I don’t have any money. I strive for honesty in my work, and promising to pay sources with insufficient funds is a serious violation of the blogger’s code of ethics.* However, as my anonymous or pseudoanonymous source, you will have the deep satisfaction of knowing you contributed to something utterly inane.
* Journalism’s code of ethics allows this though and gives newspapers another advantage over blogs.