Gastronomic Cocoa Puffs
The Oak Park Abbey features this dessert for its monthly dinner:
Dessert: Carrot Cake
Carrot Cake Ice Cream | Cocoa Puffs | Orange Carrot Caramel
I find the Cocoa Puffs in the dessert entree quite intriguing. As a kid I was cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. I doubt Cocoa Puffs made the list of the most healthy 150 foods. Perhaps if you wrapped them in Swiss chard and placed them on an antioxidant flapjack it would make it.
Chi Chi Feng Shui
The thirteen story building Sertus wants to build has shown Oak Park that it has no way to stop developers from building ill-omened, unlucky projects. In the current environment, developers can build any bodeful edifice, jinxed office complex, or cursed condo they want. Read more
Ill-Boding Triskaideca
Sertus Capital Partners LLC intends to develop the corner of Lake and Forest in Oak Park with a building of thirteen stories, which leads me to ask the question, “What in God’s holy bejeesus is going on at Sertus?†Of all the numbers in the universe from zero to infinity, they chose, as the height of their building, the unluckiest number in Western Civilization. Read more
Residence Evil
In his One View piece in the Wednesday Journal, Paul Hamer believes Oak Park should look to Hinsdale, the so-called “teardown capital†as a model for downtown Oak Park. I find this a curious choice. Hinsdale and Oak Park seem incongruous, like pro and con, topsy and turvy or vice and versa. Read more
Shunning Sidewalk Snow-Clearing Slackers
The snow shoveling ordinance the village passed seems to have really fired up the ire of some p.o.’d Oak Parker (POOPERS). In retrospect, perhaps the village should have tried another method besides the coercive power of law to persuade people to clear the snow from the sidewalks. Perhaps it should have considered the traditional, old-timey method of disgrace and public embarrassment to as a means of persuasion.
Fortunately for the village, it has never become easier in the history of humankind to disgrace someone. We have the Internet which provides us with an entire cyberspace to express our indignation at something. You can hardly make five clicks on the web without coming across a link to some bitter blogger or an ihate website like ihatemen, ihatewomen, ihateclowns, ihatecilantro, ihatemyself, ihatehate. Read more
Coup d’ Chief
We are in the midst of a close election for the open seats on the village board of Oak Park. How do I know it’s close?
I didn’t have time to conduct any scientific polls so I did the next best thing. I flipped a coin with heads meaning a tight race and tails meaning not a tight race, also called by political scientists a floppy race. The coin I tossed came up heads. I then confirmed the coin toss with one round of eenie meenie meinie mo and a Magic Eight Ball. When I asked the Magic Eight Ball if the coin toss were accurate, it replied, “Hey, sounds good to me.†Read more
Holy Astronappycrap!
Over two weeks have passed since Florida authorities charged astronaut Lisa Nowak with battery and the attempted kidnapping and murder of fellow astronaut Capt. Coleen Shipman. Nowak considered Shipman a rival for the affection of another astronaut, but she denies she tried to kill Shipman, saying she drove from Texas to Florida just to talk to her.
Nowak has a unique style of conversation. When she met Shipman in a parking lot, she sprayed her with pepper spray. Lachrymatory agents like pepper spray and tear gas are an effective way to get someone’s attention but they make conversation very difficult. You can’t talk to someone very well who is writhing in pain on the ground or running away. Read more
Rev. Ted Homo No Mo’?
The Reverend Ted Haggard has announced he wants to leave Colorado and move to Iowa or Missouri. A board member of his former church said, “He needs to get somewhere he can get the wound healed.”
If Rev. Ted wants healing, he should move to Oak Park, Illinois not Iowa or Missouri.
For those who don’t know Rev. Ted, he’s the Colorado minister who quit his ministry when he became confused about his sexuality. However, he now no longer feels confused, for he just announced that, after only three weeks of counseling, he has become “completely heterosexual.†Before his counseling, Rev. Ted was only half a heterosexual. Although he had a wife and kids, he paid a male prostitute cash to get to know him in the biblical sense.
Rev. Ted used the sodomitic version of biblical sense.
Shiny + Object = Death Ray
According to the crime report in the Wednesday Journal,
A man in his 20s, who had been thrown out of the White Hen Pantry, 7991 Lake St., the night of Jan. 26 for trying to steal candy, came back later and pointed a “shiny object” at the front window just before it broke.
When I read this, I asked myself how could pointing a “shiny object” at a window break it? Ahhh I concluded. The man disintegrated the glass. His “shiny object†was a directed energy weapon like a ray gun, a laser blaster, a plasma pistol or a portable photon beam cannon. Read more
The Noblest Consultant of them All
Trustee Galen Gockel says William Shakespeare is his personal consultant on development. During a recent board meeting, he orated some lines from Julius Caeser to justify his vote on opening Marion Street to traffic.
Some might disagree with using poet-playwrights as development consultants. They don’t know anything about zoning variance, setbacks, mixed use development, R2, C1 or RFPs. They know only about metaphors, blank verse, idylls, and jongleurs. They would think the acronym TIF is just an expression you can rhyme with whiff. Read more
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